Wasting away in front of the computer, listening to feet-tapping sounds, enjoying the evanescence of the past week and in full desire to watch American Idol. i think the show is on now, but i just can't tear myself away from this magnetic technology. It's annoying, really. and i'm not looking forward to the weekends. incredible? totally.
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Dear Ray, I'd like to apologize for all the harsh and hurtful comments i said.
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Even as bitchy and contumelious as i can be,
there's still that angelic and soft side of me,
i apologize to you sincerely and greatly,
please forgive me for vilifyingly speaking ill of thee
Dwell not in the effects of this malicious obluquy
It's hurtful i know, you won't recover instantly
But for now, just try continue to write whatever you want freely
It's your vox anyway, unravel your emotions expressively!
We shall move on, not a word to be said about it
Continue to blog while all of us obliterate all of these nonsensical shit
While i shrive this guilt in me, and you relinquish bitterness and heal from bleeding wounds
We'll interact and comminucate, and not hide in our cacoons
-By A.F.Peter aka Jigglypuff-
SORRY RAY :(
I think that this picture is hilarious. Why? Because of my swiss swatch watch mark on my hand. HAHAHAHAHA.
my sun burn is drastic.
You know what, i'm starting to love my school brass band. i don't know why. i used to dread it so much. I mean, i used to disrelish the people in there, but now, i seem to really enjoy myself when i'm with my bandmates. A few of my bandmates are so hilarious, and are natural jokers you know. They don't mean to make you laugh, but just the way they act around you and the way they react to their surroundings is just SO bloody hilarious.hehehe. AND, the whole band is fun!
Although every now and then my band mates do annoy me in a way.
Like younger band mates telling me what to do.
oh i so freakin bloody hate that.
and also immature guys who make fun. of me.
urgh.
But still, i love my juniors. they are so cute. i love them as my little brothers. hehe. and they're so tiny!
Why couldn't i have experienced this love for my school band years ago? Why is it that only in the final year of my education here in Sabah College, do i feel the joy and splendor of being with my bandmates?
I used to really hate them. Because of MANY things. they have embarrassed me, some of them are very annoying, there are some who are too commited (i find that annoying) but the one thing i resent most was when they humiliated me in front of Edward Parker,The British Cutie Pie.
Lorenzo and Ray, please don't tell any of them i said that!!!
Right then..
i'm off to sleep!!
It is now the time to think and ruminate about what i want to do in the future, after SPM. I really have no idea what i want to be. I really just have no idea. It seems like i am not at all interested in doing anything. Being a lawyer just disinterests me. Medical Doctor is out of the question. My dad wants me to be a quantity surveyor, but i am not interested AT ALL. really.
People always say stuff about the field of education some people choose. Lets say if a person chooses to do a music course, of course people say "But music no future bah".But the most common thing is, what is said about arts stream in secondary schools. "ah, teda future tu. orang lembap ja dalam arts stream" all i want to say about this is, SUCK OFF. come on, if it is one's destiny to do such a thing, that one being will be successful. If it really is God's will for that one being to pursue in that field of education, that one being will be at peace, because he's blessed, for being obedient to God. and plus, people in arts stream are not dumb. seriously. They just excel in different areas of education. So what if they can't relate to science? They still can be successful. If there's a will, there's a way.
ok after re-reading the paragraph before this i realised there were some nonsensical statements. haha. nevermind.
i just don't know where to go.
where to study.
what college?
what education field?
local or overseas?
what?
just..
what is my ambition?
i need to discover my GTI
Gifts.Talents.Interests.
Actually i have already snuggled up on my comfortable foldable hello kitty mattress a few hours ago,preparing my body to slide into slumber land. But since there was something i wrote in my friendster blog that seemed to agitate me much, i decided to delete that part of the blog, cause i really really thought it was unsuitable and inappropriate for public viewing. I don't know why, but I'm taking actions by instincts. Human conscience. (i think)
And actually right after i deleted that part of the post, i wanted to go straight up to bed, cause I'll be doing last minute Christmas shopping tomorrow morning, so I'll have to wake up early, but since my sister came back from clubbing, we ended up having sis talk for about 1 and a half hours (which is really cool.hehe.glad i have a sis)
and now look where i am. i'm stuck in front of the computer at 3.22 am. now tell me, how the hell am i supposed to wake up tomorrow morning? I really want to wake up early. I have been waking up very very late these past several days. like, 12-1pm. in that range of time. It's depressing i tell you. I've missed many mornings, and i just miss the morning sunshine, the tranquil ambience while birds chirp happily, the way the leaves of trees sway to the cool breeze. you see, mornings are just awesome.
I REALLY NEED TO WAKE UP TOMORROW!!!
i just feel like writing.
i miss my bombastic words.
as i thwart retrogression and hinder myself from retrograding in this dismal, dejecting plateau, i will rise, spread my wings and soar across vast oceans, hither and yon, unshaken by obstacles and distractions, i will work my way diligently to the place called success.
yes, i can do it. :)
So today was just another ordinary day...NOT! I went out with Janey today. Yes, with Janey. The dear lovely Janey. cheh. haha. Was really tiresome and yeah my back IS sore.
I finally bought a book by Meg Cabot!
And Eragon is SO cool!! It would have been cooler if Alex Pettyfer acted the movie. gawsh!! I'm pretty sure there's gonna be a sequel because there's something about how that movie ended. i'm movie-struck! to the max! Ok, only in Anthea's world, does the term movie-struck exist, and in her world, whenever she feels movie-struck she has that burning desire to act in that movie. (cheh..dui.) haha. Well the starring isn't really that handsome, not as handsome as Alex Pettyfer BUT the body. you can't deny that eye-catching six pack physique!! OH MY GAWSH!!! so tegap!!!!! so hot!!!!!!!!
I've been going out very frequently these past few days. I mean, very very very frequently. That's why i'm always feeling tired, always feeling blur. I've been going out too much, walking around here and there.. buying christmas gifts.. spending money down the drain..Remember i said i had about rm294? Now i only have less than rm 50. and i spent about 60% for gifts. you see how generous i am this christmas? cheh. haha. sorry lah tsen tsen..nantilah in the future i spend you starbucks.
I still have not shopped for my christmas skirt&blouse/dress. I AM GOING TO. and i hope i can bring my sis along.. I need to cut down on what i eat, cause i seem to be walloping almost everything i find mouth-watering and irresistable.. haha..
This monitor is really blinding my eyes. it's too bright. Our old monitor somehow got into some problem, so now we have to use this stupid too-bright flatron monitor my dad brought home from his office. Well never mind about that, at least there's a monitor!! and i can still surf!!!
I need to rest.
i have to charge my life battery
Before i went to the washroom today, answering to the call of nature, i decided to bring along a book to read while answering to the call of nature (yes,the call of nature can really hold you down for quite a long time ) and so i was browsing through the pile of books that layed on my shelf, and i came across my school journal.
It was a journal i created for me and my friends to ramble,rant and pen down their emotions.
So i brought the journal to the washroom and read through the journal ( while answering to the call of nature ) , and came across Edward's writing.
:( i miss him!! hahahaha.
click the following.
flashback:look for the post "happiest day of my whole entire life"
read it, if you're willing to. it is VERY long.
and the following is a picture of the i-dont-know-what-you-call-this he wrote in my book
(i'm sure most of you have seen both these pictures already)
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
special thanks to:
Gordon Horace Chin
For taking the journal to Edward and for lying to him "Erm,I stole this from Anthea's bag.I think it would be cool if you wrote in here"
and
Kenneth Lai
For snapping that picture up there for me and for bringing a digital camera to school and also for running to catch up with me and kee zul while we ran to the staff room
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
Sure, he did create a void in me when he left, but that void no longer exists in me.. but i can't deny the fact that i do kinda miss him when i reminisce about the good times we had together.
.....
.i just hope Edward doesn't read this.
Show us your pride and joy.
Submitted by ::c::.
Show us some holiday decorations.
.By Me.
I am at loss of words to describe the current emotions i am overwhelmingly dwelling in. It's inexplicable, but at the same time, i guess you could get the idea of how distressed and agitated i feel.
Thinking about how i am feeling at this moment, i guess there are many factors, many issues that contribute to these somewhat inevitable emotions in life. Not that i can't do anything to ameliorate the circumstances i am in and make my soul at least feel slightly better, i'm just vulnerable at the moment. just for now.
Well the number one thing that's making me feel very bitter right now is the fact that i am not and will never attend the planetshakers conference this year. It's still not too late if i fly across the south china sea at this instantaneous moment, but still it would not happen, not in a 100 years.
But then, as i continue to think and dwell in this misery, i figured that, i should just,let it go. you know? LET IT GO. Because you can't always have things your way in life. There are times when you are bound to get upset because of something that you desired, but never received it.
Yes, the fact that i will run spiritually dry for another year until Planetshakers comes to KK again does scare me, a lot. Not that i could never try other ways of reviving my faith, but Planetshakers is just ineffable and they uniquely differ from any other.
Tell me, is it easy to make a buddhist convert to christianity? no.
Planetshakers can.
You see, Planetshakers is POWERFUL. Even though they're not catholic, but still we share the same faith, with a little bit of differences here and there.
and despite the differences, we still worship the same God.
You can never imagine how envious i feel with those i-don't-know-how-many-thousands of people jumping and praising God in that darn convention centre. It's 8.23 am, and they're about to start in about half-an-hour. *sigh*
You know what, maybe i should just forget about it
and continue to look forward to the trip to Starbucks with my sister.
Ok. so the second thing in the list of things that's agitating me is my mum. Not that my mum is evil or anything, it's just the way i treat her and the way she treats me. I don't know who's the bad one here cause she herself did treat me like shit. I guess the both of us are guilty. Like they say, it takes two to tango. And so it takes two to cause querulous arguments and quabbles
And erm, i feel a lil bit guilty.no,make that A LOT. i feel guilty!!! After all, she is my mum.
Third thing, I have organ lesson today. yes, i have organ lesson today. ORGAN LESSON. you know, organ lesson. ORGAN LESSON. oh my god, ORGAN LESSON. After what happened during the finals, you should get the idea why i don't ever want to step into technics again.
Fourth thing, money. I need money. I need to buy my friends presents.Especially Azoo and Carmen's. My dad has been very strict with money, after all, he is semi-retired and not making as much as he did before. (DUH) Our spendings are very restricted and the thought of buying gifts and christmas cards is a bit burdensome.
Fifth thing, going back to school. I am not looking forward to it. Well specifically the projects. SPM next year man. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so old!!!! I cannot believe i'm turning 17.
Sixth thing, jealousy of dextrous skills. this one here is a bit personal, so i won't share much. i feel jealous of people's ability in....... *something* it has something to do with music. and it's making me feel damn inferior.
and the list goes on and on.
I still wanna go to the conference :(
LORD PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON ME!!!!!!!!!!! I AM DESPERATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im amazed anthea, u got many random blog reader who happens to be randomly reading your posts. Haha. nice poem... read more
on ka-boom.